Most women who have had a baby, have experienced some kind of Baby Blues in the first couple of weeks after birth and 1 in 10 women may experience Post Natal Depression. Some may need treatment whether it be counselling, hormone treatment or antidepressants. However, what about the Dads/partners? Paternal Post Natal Depression is very rarely spoken about, but it is almost as common as it is in women.
Many of the reasons for it are the same as for the mums:-
- Change to routine/lifestyle
- More responsibility
- Financial pressure
- Sleep deprivation
- Feeling isolated
- If the mum is also suffering
Unlike women though, the symptoms in men can take longer to develop and show. This could be because although the change in life style happens straight away, reality can take a while to sink in. The realisation that there are going to be fewer nights out/weekends away/time or to themselves, in general, can take time to sink in. Add to that, weeks, months of little or no sleep and things can start to look very daunting. If the mum is struggling too, the dad may not want to speak up about how much they may be feeling but may start to become more isolated from family life. Other symptoms include:
- Not wanting to do anything, alone or with the family
- Always tired
- Feeling you don’t feel enough for the baby enough
- Not wanting to hold the baby in case you do something wrong
- Getting irritated easily
- Not eating or binge eating
- Difficulty making decisions
- Staying out of the house for long periods
- Can’t sleep…even when you get the chance to
Over the years, I have certainly seen men with PPND and interestingly it has been more with the second baby than the first. They have said that they don’t like the baby stage and don’t want to do the sleepless nights and nappies again, although they knew they were having a baby, the reality hadn’t hit until the baby had been born. Also just because it happened with the first child, it doesn’t mean that it will happen with the second… and vice versa.
I’m certainly not implying that this is another thing that new Mums should be looking out for, as we all know that their life changes enough, however, if you have come out of the newborn baby blues stage and notice that your partner is a bit quieter or doesn’t hold the baby as much as they did, it is worth having a conversation or getting a friend to talk to them if they don’t like talking about their feelings to you.
There are some self-help techniques that can help like exercise, giving both of you time to yourself, and getting some rest (Dad sleep in a separate room from mum & baby a few nights per week if it helps. Often it’s Dad going out to work shortly after the birth and though they may feel exhausted from the lack of sleep, they do not wish to say anything as they know Mum is struggling too). Making lists of daily tasks and working through them slowly and if friends or family offer to help out… LET THEM! People generally don’t offer if they don’t mean it.
The first step is reaching out and there is online support out there via The PND Daddy, Pandas Dads and SMS4dads. Different things work for different people but if you don’t feel like anything else is working, go and talk to the GP, there is no stigma in getting help.
As always, I am available to chat with if you feel that you need a third party who is not emotionally involved. Please do get in touch.
